All Brain Stabbing Imagery Aside
by Tyranusfan
Summary: Missing scene from 4.09 I Know What You Did Last Summer. Dean has one more question about Sam and the four months he spent alone. Rated T.


_**This is a missing scene from 4.09, "I Know What You Did Last Summer." Takes place soon after maid!Ruby tells the boys to leave the motel.**_

_**Geminigrl11 is an awesome beta, as usual. I don't own anything, also per usual, and I'm addicted to reviews. The usual.**_

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**All Brain-Stabbing Imagery Aside…**

Dean was getting tired of staring at his little brother's back. He didn't necessarily have anything against the back in question---except maybe that it was too broad these days, and made Dean feel like he needed to be pumping iron or something just so he didn't look any _smaller_ next to his Sasquatch---but it was all he'd seen since they left the motel room.

Traipsing through the dark woods in the middle of the night wasn't his idea of a good time, but it was the only way to get past the demons that were guarding their room and the Impala.

_They better not scratch my baby, or I'll_---

"This is going to be a long walk," Sam whispered to him, squinting at a roadmap in the moonlight. Dean used it as an excuse to close the distance and walk beside Sam. They were following a small, two-lane road on their left, staying far enough inside the tree line so that they could see anyone go by without being spotted themselves.

"Ruby picked a hell of a hideout," Dean commented noncommittally, glancing at the map. The place was certainly off the beaten trail.

He honestly didn't know what to think about their friendly neighborhood demon girl anymore. The previous spring, he'd wanted her dead…or at least as far from Sam as humanly or demonically possible. She had manipulated them, for reasons he still couldn't figure out. Dean had been perfectly content to leave her in that Devil's Trap when they'd gone after Lilith in Indiana. Better for her not to be involved, especially since they had her knife, which Dean had been convinced was all they needed. When she showed up with them at the eleventh hour---literally---he'd been upset.

It would have been easy to blame her presence for what had gone down, especially since she'd effectively only provided Lilith with a way of getting the drop on them. But, in all fairness, even Dean couldn't blame Ruby. Everything had been so fucked up that night it was hard to lay blame on any one person for their failure. Ruby apparently didn't think Lilith could evict her from that blonde's body, and Sam certainly wasn't to blame.

Dean frowned. All right, there was one person who was to blame…the one who'd gotten them into that mess to begin with. He was really starting to hate looking into mirrors.

Ruby's return to Sam after that actually hadn't surprised Dean that much. She'd been all eager to get Sam back into spoon-bending and all that psychic stuff, it made sense she'd leap in with both feet once Dean was out of the picture. What did surprise him was that she'd tried to put his grieving brother back together in the weeks after the deal went down, even kept him from making his crazy suicide attempt.

That revelation still floored Dean. He had known, intellectually, that Sam would be messed up by his death. After all, the kid had lost just about everyone he'd ever cared about. One more death on Sam's conscience, and the pain that would inflict, had been something Dean had wished he could prevent, but had known was inevitable. Even so, he'd never anticipated that Sam would tail-spin that badly.

It only made Dean feel worse about the entire situation. At least Sam's kamikaze attack on Lilith would have only taken out him alone. Dean couldn't say the same.

Dean stumbled at that thought. Sam was better at _suicide_ than he was. He blinked the absurd thought away just as he felt his brother's hand clamp onto his upper arm.

"You okay?"

Dean looked over at the concerned face, and felt foolish. He didn't need to let Sam find out the things that were going through his head. Cocking a sheepish smirk, he pointed at the dark ground. "Stupid roots."

If Sam saw through his lie, he said nothing, just righted Dean effortlessly and resumed walking.

Dean was glad for the lack of interrogation, at least. His mind settled back into his dark train of thought as he watched Sam's back filling his vision again.

When he'd watched Sam die in Cold Oak, he'd embarked on his own suicide attempt, though his had taken a year to finish, and had wrecked his little brother's life along the way. A two-for-one deal with the devil.

He almost wished he'd never done it---only so that Sam could have been spared the pain of watching yet another loved one die---but also knew without a doubt that he would do it again. Watching the life drain out of Sam's body had been the single worst event of his life. Not even forty years in Hell had topped that.

Still it was a mess. His deal had not only almost destroyed him but taken a huge chunk out of Sam, too. They weren't through picking up the pieces, and maybe they never would be. He had his own problems to deal with first---his own burden, after what he'd done in The Pit---but someday, he'd make it up to Sammy. Somehow.

Not that he knew even remotely where to start. The past year had changed his brother, maybe permanently. The kid was harder, and not just physically. His eyes reflected it, whenever Dean dared to meet them. Between the Trickster-inflicted hell Sam had endured the previous winter and four months alone that summer…. Dean shook his head silently. The innocence was all but gone. All the dreams that had once driven his younger sibling off to college on his own---

_Yeah, I failed big time_. _Some protector_.

Dean was so caught up in reviewing his failures that he almost collided with that too-broad back when Sam froze in his tracks. A split second later, Dean heard it as well, and they both instinctively dove to the ground, taking shelter under some bushes to their right.

A car rounded the curve, its headlights sweeping the area they'd just vacated. The vehicle was traveling just slowly enough for Dean to know it was no casual motorist at the wheel. A cop on a late patrol maybe, or a drunk heading home. Someone that was either looking for something, or trying not to be noticed. Or both.

The sedan continued on, passing without noticing them and continuing down the road. They waited a few moments, listening to the car's engine as it faded into the distance. Sam glanced at him, and then rose quietly. Dean followed suit and they were walking again.

He'd never liked silence, though, and this trip was getting boring. "So…"

Sam looked over at him, expectantly, but said nothing. Dean's enthusiasm wilted under the businesslike gaze, and he froze up. "I…uh…wonder where Ruby found this place."

"Don't know."

Two words and a shrug. That was all he got.

"Well, that was a nice talk, Sammy. Thanks," Dean groused quietly, rolling his eyes. His brother seemed frustrated by his sarcasm.

"I really don't know, Dean. What do you want me to say?"

"I just want to---"

The sound of another car engine stopped them, and they dropped back into the underbrush. As they crawled under more shrubs, the same sedan that had just passed through came back from the other direction, just as slowly as before. Dean grimaced; this was no lost motorist. There were no side roads to be looking for in the dark, and the cops---to his knowledge---had no reason to be patrolling out here in the middle of nowhere.

That left one option---which, given their luck, was probably the likely one.

"I think someone knows that we're on the move," he said quietly, watching the car crawl up the road.

"Yeah," Sam said, lying beside him on the ground, not moving a muscle. "They must have checked the room."

The sedan rolled to a stop---a considerable distance away, but still too close for Dean's comfort---and two figures emerged. Dean reached slowly for the duffel lying between him and Sam, hand grasping one of the shotguns.

Sam's hand touched his, stilling him. "Wait. Look."

The two figures---men, it looked like, but in the darkness it was hard to tell---had left the car and were scanning the tree line, fortunately facing the wrong side of the road. A smile lit Dean's face. "Heh, suckers."

"We should stay here for a while. If we start moving around, they might spot us," Sam suggested. Dean couldn't help but agree. Staying put, beneath the shadowy brush and trees was probably their best bet. Nevertheless, he drew the shotgun out and laid it on the ground between them.

The two men searched the opposite roadside, their pacing taking them further up the road and further out of range.

Dean was starting to feel better about their prospects of staying undetected. His eyes drifted back to the vehicle. "Demons driving cars…that's wild," he muttered in bemusement. For creatures that, in their natural state, could freaking _fly_ to resort to driving was just funny. He glanced over at Sam, who didn't seem to share the joke.

"At least it's not a semi."

Dean blinked at Sam's dark expression. _A semi?_ He had to think a moment before the reference sank in. Was Sam thinking about the car crash? Now? He frowned. Did his brother think about that accident often? Dean stared at the side of Sam's darkened face, wondering what else went on in his sibling's head while he wasn't looking.

Suddenly uncomfortable, Dean decided to change the subject. "So, uh…Sam…um, about---"

_Damn it!_ Every time he tried to strike up a conversation, one look at Sam's stony face threw him into stutters. _What is wrong with me?_

Sam was frowning at him. "What?"

"Nothing," Dean covered, focusing on the two demons, whose search was taking them further from his and Sam's position. It was a good thing Sam and Dean each had one of Ruby's hex bags to hide them. They seemed to be doing the trick.

_Ruby._

As Dean lay there, sneaking sidelong glances at his all-business brother, he realized that she was part of what was making him uncomfortable. When he thought about her and Sam---

He stopped, needing to change the subject, both out loud and in his own head. He rolled his shoulder gingerly, wincing at how stiff it had gotten since Sam popped it back into place. "How are the stitches?"

"They hurt," Sam stated matter-of-factly. Dean hadn't had much time to comment on that---Sam sewing himself back up. Had he not been injured himself, Dean would have done the work. He didn't like watching Sam do it; it bothered him, reminded him that he'd been gone and Sam had been virtually alone with only himself to trust.

_Just another failure_. Dean ground his teeth. This wasn't taking his mind off anything. He sighed, keeping his voice low. "Busy night, huh?"

Sam grimaced, turning to face him with an irritated glare. "Are you _fishing_ for something, Dean? What's up with you?"

"Nothing. I'm not fishing for anything," Dean whispered quickly. Too quickly. Sam shook his head, turning back to watch the demons with a muttered curse.

Dean's thoughts circled back to Ruby, and in a flash, he knew what he wanted to ask. "So…you had _sex_ with her?"

He watched the emotions run across Sam's face. Surprise turned to realization to anger. Sam dropped his head onto his forearm with a groan. "Is _that_ what your problem is?"

Dean floundered, feeling guilty for some reason, even though he really was just curious about everything that had happened. "I'm not--- Sam, I---"

"We kind of have bigger things to worry about right now," Sam hissed coldly, not raising his head. "So, if we could hold off on the judging and the lecture about how _stupid_ I am, I'd really appreciate it."

Taken aback by the venom, Dean scrambled to placate. "No. Sam, I--- I'm not judging you, man. I'm not. I just…I mean, you've never been the--- You get _attached_, you know?"

Dean was thinking of Jess and Madison, remembering with awful clarity how badly those relationships had gone for Sam, and how devastated he'd been at their loss. For his brother to just fall into bed with _anyone_….

Sam settled, still not looking at him, but the angry tension disappeared from his shoulders. "It was--- You were gone. Forever. And it was my fault, and I…."

"It wasn't your fault, Sam," Dean replied softly, horrified at the very idea that Sam thought it was anyone's fault but Dean's.

Sam continued as if Dean hadn't spoken. "And I know it was--- I just needed to feel something, _anything_, other than…."

He seemed to deflate, eyes buried in the flesh of his arm. Dean reached over, wrapping his hand around Sam's wrist, hopefully reassuring. It was dark. No one could see it. "I get it, Sam."

That earned him a skeptical look. Dean squeezed his wrist. "I _do_, Sammy."

They fell silent for a while, Dean watching the demons' progress while Sam collected himself. Finally, the demons cut them a break. They returned to the parked car, and moments later it was moving, leaving the stretch of road empty and dark once again.

Dean waited a few beats, in case the car doubled back. When it didn't, he patted Sam on the back and they rose, cautiously resuming their journey through the woods.

A dozen or so feet further down, Dean swatted Sam's arm, careful to avoid the stitches. "Hey."

"Yeah?" Sam replied quietly, subdued. He glanced back at Dean, but kept moving.

"I'm glad Ruby…you know."

Sam frowned, cocking his head. Dean waved his hand. "You know…I'm glad she...kept you from getting yourself killed."

Dean sped up, coming alongside his sibling again, matching his gait. A slow smile, part embarrassment and part relief, lit Sam's face.

"I am, too."

"Well, duh," Dean shot back, smirking. "Of course _you're_ happy."

That earned him a chuckle. It wasn't much, but it would do for now. Dean made up his mind. He owed Ruby a thank you for what she'd done, as painful as it would be to tell her that.

But, Dean would do it. She'd saved Sam when he couldn't. A _thanks_ was the least he could do.

END


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